Music of My Heart
by gothic-musings
Summary: Just after Tahl's death, Qui-Gon thinks about a past memory.


Disclaimer: George Lucas owns the character of Qui-Gon and Jude Watson owns Tahl. I make no money from this, believe me. I'm merely borrowing them long enough to write this story. The song used herein is "Music of My Heart" by N'Sync and Gloria Estefan. I don't own this song; I'm just using it for a bit. I promise to put everything back when I am done.  
  
Remembrance by: green fairy  
  
  
You'll never know  
What you've done for me  
What your faith in me  
Has done for my soul  
And you'll never know the gift you've given me  
I'll carry it with me  
Through the days ahead, I'll think of days before  
You made me hope for something better  
And made me reach for something more  
  
  
Qui-Gon sat cross-legged in the Room of a Thousand Fountains, waiting for Tahl, but deep in his heart, he ached with the knowledge that she's never again join him in the splendor and tranquility of this place. His soul hurt everyday with a longing for her. "How I'd give anything for a decent argument with her again," he thought to himself many times over. He stripped off his heavy Jedi robe and spread it out on the ground. Then, as he leaned back, he closed his eyes, recalling a particular memory.  
  
  
You taught me to run   
You taught me to fly  
Helped me to free the me inside  
Helped me hear the music of my heart  
Helped me hear the music of my heart  
You opened my eyes  
You opened the door  
To something I've never known before  
And your love is the music of my heart  
  
  
It was in this very room that Qui-Gon and Tahl had shared their first and only kiss. The evening was growing dark as Qui-Gon sat in the very same spot near the center of the room where the largest of the fountains was erected, meditating before he turned in for the night. His eyes were shut tight as he concentrated hard on the moment until the sound of familiar breathing broke it. It was Tahl. He sighed deeply; his strong resolve passing out of his body with his breath. She put a slender hand on his shoulder, causing him to look up from the ground his gaze had bore a hole.  
  
"Oh, I've disturbed you."  
  
"No, it is all right."  
  
"Yet, I sense you couldn't concentrate thoroughly. What is wrong, Qui-Gon?"  
  
"Nothing you should trouble yourself about."  
  
"That's unlike you to not open up to me."  
  
"I just don't feel like discussing it."  
  
Her green and gold eyes stared at his face, yet were unable to see that impact her presence had on him. "I can feel the blood flow increasing in your cheeks."  
  
"Would you stop, please? Why must you continue until an argument unfolds?"  
  
"Just giving you a taste of your own medicine."  
  
"What do you mean by that?"  
  
"You poke and prod me until I give in and tell you my troubles."  
  
Qui-Gon huffed. "That's enough. Why don't you sit down next to me? You've been on your feet all day as have I. We both need a rest."  
  
Tahl sat cross-legged next to Qui-Gon. "I shall never have a moment's rest until I'm dead."  
  
Qui-Gon winced at the mention of her death, for that was the reason for his meditation. "Don't say such things. I would not like to dwell on your future demise. Such depressing thoughts you have."  
  
"What do I have to be so cheerful about? I'm blind. I have to have a ridiculous droid follow me. I have everyone acting as though I am totally helpless and useless. People don't seem to care."  
  
"I care about you, Tahl."  
  
  
You were the one  
Always on my side  
Always standing by  
Seeing me through  
You were the song that always made me sing  
I'm singing this for you  
Everywhere I go I'll think of where I've been  
And you're the one who knew me better than anyone ever will again  
  
  
  
Tahl sighed. "I know you care, Qui-Gon. Perhaps too much sometimes. You can be smothering, you know."  
  
"I understand, but I do it because I," Qui-Gon paused before finishing his sentence.  
  
"Because you what?"  
  
"Nothing, never mind."  
  
Tahl touched his face. "Your cheek is blushing. Why?"  
  
"No reason. I'm just happy to be here, that's all.'  
  
"You're not telling me everything."  
  
Qui-Gon scanned her face over and over. He stared deep in her sightless green and gold eyes; silently wishing she could see him again. Her hand continued to linger at his cheek, but slowly inched its way to his mouth. "Do you think, in years to come, that our friendship would ever move a step further?"  
  
"That's a strange question coming from you. I don't know how to answer."  
  
"It was just a silly thought. Forget I asked."  
  
She rubbed her fingertips up and down his jaw line. "You have neglected shaving for some time."  
  
"I'm ashamed of it, but in my defense, I have just arrived back at the Temple from a mission."  
  
She laughed, her voice a rich and sweet sound to his ears. Her fingers stopped at his lips and she flicked his bottom lip with her index finger. "I always did enjoy doing that."  
  
"I noticed."  
  
"I just have to ask this question and I hope you'll forgive me for it, but have you ever kissed anyone?"  
  
"Hmm, that requires much thought since I've had so many relationships."  
  
Tahl lightly slapped his knee. "Take this seriously, Qui-Gon."  
  
"Only once that I can remember. I think I was about seven or eight. A girl in my younglings class with Master Yoda. Nothing more than a peck." He smiled softly. "Your turn."  
  
"No."  
  
"No?"  
  
She nodded her head. "Seems we both have equal experience."  
  
"I know this is going to sound very unlike a Jedi, but what would you say to an experiment?"  
  
There was a slight pause as Tahl's brow furrowed with contemplation. "But won't that change things? Isn't that overstepping the boundaries of friendship more than we should?"  
  
"I suggested it as an experimentation. As long as we don't take it as any more than that. Wouldn't you like to know if you could satisfy that special person in your life?"  
  
"You pose an intriguing question. Only as long as it's as friends."  
  
"Of course."  
  
At first, they didn't know exactly what to do. Since Tahl was blind, she couldn't see to lean in and nearly hit Qui-Gon in the nose with her head. "Stop. Hold on." He picked up her hand from her lap and put it to his face. "Here I am." Then he put his hand on her face. "Now come toward me slowly." Tahl moved her head closer and their lips met, his pressing firmly into hers. She sighed, taken away by the feel of their softness. Slowly, she parted them, allowing his tongue to pass through. He massaged her tongue with his own, moving it around in a circle. Qui-Gon soon realized that there was more emotion behind this than either had thought to be present and wondered if this could get carried too far. He threaded his fingers in her hair as Tahl played with the back of his neck, lightly scratching her nails along the base. It grew too much for him and Qui-Gon softly sucked on her bottom lips as he broke off the kiss.  
  
Tahl panted. "That was more than I expected. I can hardly breathe."  
  
"You have nothing to worry about. I'd say you are more than adequate for the love of your life."  
  
Tahl blushed. "You weren't so bad either, there was something more behind your kiss. I felt it. The Force pulsed greatly from you."  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about."  
  
"What are you not telling me?"  
  
"Nothing, I assure you."  
  
"You're lying. I can always tell, because your voice changes."  
  
"I am not keeping anything from you." Qui-Gon fought back tears. He ached to tell her his true feelings, but the fear of alienating her prevented such a confession.  
  
"We've always been honest with one another. Is it Obi-Wan? Did he do something? Is it me? Have I done something to you?"  
  
"No, it's not like that..." his voice trailed. He watched as her cheeks flushed even more in a rare show of anger. "Why must you push this?"  
  
"Because I don't understand what's causing you distress, but if you are going to be like this, I'm leaving." Tahl stood up from her seat next to Qui-Gon. As she turned on her heel to walk away, he grasped her hand.  
  
"Wait. Don't go, please," he begged.  
  
"I see no reason to do so," she spat as she snatched her hand out of his. She disappeared around the bend of the path and he heard the door slide open and close. Qui-Gon slumped as he rubbed his face with his hands.  
  
What you taught me  
Only your love could ever teach me  
You got through when no one else could reach me  
'Cause you always saw in me  
All the best that I could be  
It was you who set me free  
  
Qui-Gon was awakened from his dream by the sound of approaching footsteps rustling through the grass. Obi-Wan loomed over Qui-Gon.  
  
"I've been looking everywhere for you. The Council wishes to speak to us." Qui-Gon sat up from his place on the ground, wiping his eyes, having not realized he had been crying. ""Master, are you all right?"  
  
"I will be. Just dreaming about happier moments, my young apprentice."  
  
"I understand that you loved her deeply, Qui-Gon, but don't let your grief for her consume you. I am here if you need me."  
  
"I will remember that, but I have to deal with this on my own."  
  
"But you don't have to."  
  
Qui-Gon raised a hand to silence Obi-Wan. "Come, let's go to the Council chamber." They walked to the door side by side, Obi-Wan exiting first with Qui-Gon following behind. As he exited, he looked back at the spot, seeing an image of himself and Tahl sitting happily in each other's company. He blinked his eyes and the image disappeared in shimmer. He bowed his head in silent bereavement as the door closed behind him.  
  
"Good-bye, my love."  
  
You taught me to run  
You taught me to fly   
Helped me to free the me inside  
Helped me hear the music of my heart  
Helped me hear the music of my heart  
You opened my eyes  
You opened the door  
To something I'd never known before  
And your love is the music of my heart 


End file.
